There’s been lots of studies about social media and what it does to us. That’s not exactly what I’m here to talk about. It’s extremely hard to avoid social media. It’s our news and weather updates, forums for our children’s schools, a great community resource, etc, etc.
I’m hear to talk about HOW to exist on social media, happily.
I’m sure you’ve read, or heard of at least one article or statistic that regular (addictive) social media use leads to depression and/or anxiety… that everyone on social media is just a big giant group of narcissists seeking validation, ETC. Right?
Social media is this big bad world where everyone that uses it experiences FOMO and jealousy every time they scroll, and anyone that posts is either attention seeking, or faking it or trying to impress people. So they say.
“BLAH BLAH BLAH”. All I hear from that is that this is how social media makes SOME people feel. But if it truly made everyone feel like that, then why is it still so extremely popular? Are we truly addicted? Maybe. Are we just gluttons for punishment? Also, maybe.
Or is it because, we as society have always been behaving this way anyway? Ever heard of ‘Keeping up with the Jones’ ? The only difference is that before social media you just had your neighbor to keep up with and now you have more.
You can use this to inspire you, or motivate you, or you can whine and cry that you don’t have what you want and everyone else seems to. But that, is up to you and it always has been. Social Media didn’t change this. If social media makes you feel bad about yourself, then I suggest you take a long look at why it makes you feel this way.
If you feel badly about yourself or your life, that’s on you. Not your neighbor, not social media, and not Susan who posts every damn cheesy photo of her and boyfriend. If you want a boyfriend, go get one and stop being so bitter. Unless of course, Susan’s new boyfriend is your old one… then you should unfollow Susan, obvi.
Sure, some people only post their happy moments. It’s really meant to be a highlight reel. If you want to post your whole damn life, you should write a blog š But a lot of us post our struggles too. And if you’re struggling, I encourage you to reach out. I promise you, you are not the only one to ever feel this way. Seriously, if you think you are… google, whatever it is you’re feeling and Reddit will let you know you’re not alone.
I know, I know, it’s not pretty, and we should all go back to posting picture perfect photos where everything seems great. But some of us find it liberating to post about our realities.
Because couldn’t it also be true that some, if not most, people just want to connect with other humans? Their friends, their family. Loved ones out of state. STRANGERS that have things in common. I do believe that human connection was the original idea behind social media.
Sure, not everything needs to be shared with the internet, and you have to figure out for yourself what you’re comfortable with. Other people have the right to delete and unfollow you, too. If you find yourself needing constant validation from likes or follows, that could be an indicator that you need a break to do some soul searching and self love.
But if you just need someone to talk to or connect to, there are tons of online support groups nowadays. If you don’t find the right one right away, keep trying! Ask around, reach out to those who ARE willing to speak out. You never know who might need YOUR story.
I know for me, I have experienced a whole lotta love/hate with social media lately. For the most part, I have always loved social media. I for one, have never experienced FOMO from scrolling. I’m usually very content with where I’m at- physically and metaphorically. If I’m at home scrolling in my sweatpants, I’m probably pretty happy there. Social media has always been a place for me to connect with other people that I normally would not get to, or easily share photos of my kids to several family members and friends. From being a young 22 yr old Stuck at Home Mom with no mom friends or any close-by family or friends, to being a single Mom… social media is usually a positive experience for me. It allows me to have adult conversations that I don’t get at home (*cue tiny people). It allows me to get advice and opinions, and yes, sometimes unwanted/unsolicited (but hey, that’s just life) as well as be able to share my happy moments. I’ve also shared a lot of what I’ve gone through and experienced and been able to find comfort or support from so many people I would have never guessed I would have found that in.
And most of all, memes. Because if you’re not falling asleep laughing to meme’s, then you’re not really out here living your best life, now are you?
When I started to feel anxiety about my social media usage was when I was going through something rough and had fake friends on my list. When I was in a group that tore me down, instead of lifting me up. I found myself trying harder and harder to prove something to them. Which only made things worse.
I tell my 7 year old this all the time:
“STOP TRYING SO HARD. Just be yourself.”
I had always been myself. It was an area of my personality that I prided myself in. But suddenly, I was feeling insecure and weird. Second-guessing every little thing I posted. All because a couple of people had some negative things to say. Eh, what an interesting little prison we build from the invisible bricks of other people’s opinions…
The end of last year, hit me pretty rough and it spilled out into every area in my life. My plate was overflowing, and I was struggling. I kept trying to reach out to people, and sometimes all it took was one person to say something encouraging and I’d feel better. But then again, all it took was one person that DIDN’T support me, and I felt worse. I felt like everyone was watching my every move, and to some extent, there were a LOT of people watching. That’s the downside of sharing so much of my life with the world. People are watching. And not everyone has good intentions. And not everyone will see you as you truly are. People will project their insecurites onto you, and people will misunderstand you. None of this will have anything to do with you. I knew all of this, and have known it for a long time.
But, given everything that I was already going through, I decided to take a social media break anyway. My intention was to never get back on social media, ever. I lasted about two weeks. I know, I know. Insert eyeroll. BUT DAMN, did it feel good. It was all I needed to clear my head. It really was good for me and I highly encourage a break every now and then, and less scrolling in general. For me to stay off of social media completely is really hard though, seeing as it’s actually part of my job. I run a Facebook group for Single Mom’s, as well as several Facebook Pages and Instagram pages. For me to be off social media, would kill my dream. And then the haters win. Even my girl, T. Swift came out of hiding eventually.
So instead of me hiding out for the rest of my life, I did a Marie Kondo on my social media. I decided to GET RID of negative Nancy’s. If it didn’t spark joy, it went away. I blocked people that were just on my friend’s list to see “what happened next”, people I felt like I had something to prove to, or anyone that didn’t have my best interest at heart, deleted those I was weary about, left several Facebook groups that were no longer positive for me, unfollowed people and pages who didn’t inspire me or uplift me, and even blocked some phone numbers. HOT DAMN, it was liberating.
Now, don’t get me wrong… My social media pages are mostly public. I write a public blog. I know people use fake accounts to spy on people. I’d have to delete a lot of things in order to truly hide. But that’s the thing, I didn’t want to hide. Internet friends turned real life friends was one of the greatest things to come from the internet, for me. That’s how I found a couple of my best friends. Strangers on the internet was how I found the courage to go through an unwanted pregnancy by myself. I thank god every day that I was willing to be so vulnerable to a group of 2k plus women that I didn’t know, because Blake is one of the greatest joys I have ever known. I had to remind myself of all the positivity that had come from me being so open and vulnerable about my experiences. I just wanted to experience MORE of that joy than all those negative feelings. I wasn’t trying to keep people out, or run from anything. I just wanted to be happy. Isn’t that what we all want?
But if you’re feeling anxiety about social media, or you don’t feel like you can ask for help, or post what you want to post… maybe it’s time for a social media cleanse. Take a look at who or what is making you feel this way. Unfollowing things or people that don’t make you happy opens up space on the feed for things that DO make you happy. Social Media is YOUR space, and it doesn’t have to make you feel bad. You can also “unfollow” with unfriending (on Facebook, that is).
I would rather have 20 followers who truly enjoyed my content and posts than 300 who just wanted to gossip and talk shit about me, wouldn’t you? Nobody needs Negative Nancy’s or Gossipy Gertrude in their lives. If someone would rather sit beind a screen and judge you, and/or cannot understand that we all go through things, we all have different backgrounds, different ways of dealing with things, different hopes and dreams, and we’re all just in this thing trying to make the best of it… then you are better off without them.
What’s that saying, again? “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”
If I look around at my friends group (which is eclectic and not limited to a particular clique), I chuckle a little bit. We are all the biggest hot messes I ever met. And none of us can deny that. We all know it. We roast the hell out of each other a lot, and we support the hell out of each other too. It’s all about balance.
Some of us are organized, some of us are messy, some of us are far more patient and kind, some of us are moms, and some aren’t yet or don’t ever want to be, some of us drink too much, some of us are going through it right now, and some of us are happy and in love and killing it at life. But we ALL have our issues.
When you have a true friend, they overlook the hot mess. Y’all can just walk into each other’s houses without knocking, pour yourself a glass of wine, push the laundry over and plop down on the couch to admire the view together. Even if that view is the latest rom-com on a dusty tv screen with fingerprints all over it.
And if you can’t do that on social media, you got the wrong friends list.
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